


Sleep

by Incaptainswanwetrust



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, cs angst, post 4x18, post sympathy for the de vil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-24
Updated: 2015-04-24
Packaged: 2018-03-25 12:10:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3809911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Incaptainswanwetrust/pseuds/Incaptainswanwetrust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma can’t remember the last time she had a decent night’s sleep. Every day, she’s plagued by the thought of what she’s done to Cruella, and there’s no respite at night. (Post 4x18: Sympathy for the De Vil)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thanks for stopping by and reading. beta’ed by the wonderful nickillian who deals with my late night emails that make no sense <3  
> More fics are heading your way. They'll be posted on here or on tumblr, so make sure you're following me (URL: incaptainswanwetrust)! If you're on Tumblr, the askbox is open for prompts!

She sees how people look at her differently. It hurt the first time after her magic went out of control, and it hurts again now. If she knew that Cruella couldn’t actually hurt Henry, of course she wouldn’t have resorted to killing her. But she didn’t, and the fact remains: she doesn’t regret it. She will always put her son and his safety first. Combined with the news of Rumple’s plan to make the Savior’s heart dark, most of Storybrooke seems a little wary to come near her.

Henry, her sweet boy, doesn’t look at her any differently. He still looks at her with love and sometimes awe. He gives her a hug every day and assures her that she did what she had to do. That makes her feel better, but he’s Henry- he’s got the heart of the truest believer. Regina doesn’t judge her and thanks her for protecting their son, and moves on with trying to find and work with the author. It’s not like she can talk to her parents, at least not right now. There are too many fresh wounds and she doesn’t have the energy to fight or defend herself. Every day she walks around town, trying to live her daily life and fix this author mess, and she feels like she’s not living. She’s going through the motions, waiting for the next chill to come up her spine, reminding her of what she’s done.

Emma can’t remember the last time she had a decent night’s sleep. Every day, she’s plagued by the thought of what she’s done to Cruella, and there’s no respite at night. Nightmares wake her up, sometimes even multiple times in one night, and she finds herself either gasping or screaming. She wakes up to find her pillow soaked with sweat or tears, and she feels like she’s falling, without a way to stop, without a place to land.

Killian once warned her that the darkness can easily creep up on you, but she’s not exactly sure that all of this is darkness. He sees how withdrawn she’s become to everyone else except Henry and him. He knows that she replays that moment in her mind over and over again, whether she wants to or not. He can feel the pain that his love is going through, because he’s been there too.

Even when her eyes are bloodshot with dark circles framing them, he still finds her to be the most beautiful woman. He promised to never let her down and he intends to keep that promise, as bloody stubborn as she may be. He knows that she’s not sleeping well, because he sees the light stay on at the sheriff’s station till the early hours of the day, before the sun has risen. Enough is enough, he says, and offers her once more to stay the night in the Captain’s Quarters. He warns her that if she doesn’t take care of herself, she’ll fall ill, and what will become of Henry? And of me, he quietly thinks to himself.

He won’t deny that there have been many nights that he’s imagined what it would be like to find her in his bed. However, tonight his only thought is that she’s safe and that perhaps she can finally rest. She quietly asks him to stay with her, and he hums a quiet tune he remembers from his childhood to put her to sleep.

He’s startled to hear a shrieking cry in the middle of the night-another villain? His first instinct is to reach for his hook and sword, but he’s terrified when he realizes that this sound is coming from Emma. She’s trembling and he can see tears running down her face. It’s a nightmare. She immediately sits up in the bed, gasping for air, pulling at her hair, and trying to calm her racing heart. She looks over at him, and he knows that this isn’t the first time this has happened. He pulls her back to lean against his chest, as he gently rubs her back to soothe her, and starts to hum another sea faring tune to help calm her down.

Once the trembling stops and he can feel her breathing return to normal, he asks if she wants to talk about it. She’s so shaken up that she just stares at a blank space in the corner of the room. Perhaps it’s time for him to open up about his past, he thinks. Holding her in his arms against his chest, he tells her that he would like to share with her a story. A story about a fearsome, young, vengeful captain who took to the seas to find a way to heal a broken heart. He begins to tell her the story of his descent into darkness, some memories of which are hard to relive. He thinks, but maybe this is what she needs to hear right now. She doesn’t see the light or the good in herself, but he can. He tells her about the villages he’s plundered and the things he’s stolen. He even told her about the people he’s hurt, and those he’s killed to gain information about Rumple. He tells her how once he became a pirate, he thought that’s all he could ever be. As he tells her these stories, she holds his hook and his hand in hers, tenderly caressing both, and he presses his lips softly to her temple, every time he needs a break.

But the one thing he said about darkness bothers her. How do you deal with the temptation, she asks, no judgement in her voice. He’s said that it can creep up on a person, but then how do they fight it? More importantly, how did he fight it?

He runs his fingers through her hair as he thinks about how to answer. She turns to face him and he gently cups her face using his good hand. He tells her that he stands by his statement about there being times where one will feel tempted by darkness, for whatever reason. For him, it was always powered by revenge or love. Just as heroes make mistakes, so can villains, he says. He doesn’t claim to have always been able to resist the temptation in the past, but he’s found something stronger than that pull. He’s found her. The pain and suffering he endured in his life made him believe that it was better to not care. But she reminded him that he still could and she believed in him. It had been a very long time since someone believed in him, and he wanted to prove her right. He wanted to fight back and show her that she was right to put her faith and trust in him. And along the way, things between them had developed and his desire to impress her and prove his worth to stand by her side also became motivation. Shyly, he tells her that he wants to do the same for her, if she will let him. He believes in her: not Emma the savior or Emma the daughter of Snow and Charming. He vows to never leave her to face this journey alone, for he of all people understands how the darkness can be lonely. He wipes away her tears and pleads with her with his eyes to trust him, to let him help her. He touches his forehead against hers, hoping to absorb some of the hurt and pain she is feeling. Darkened heart or not, he’ll fight for her- he’ll fight for his Swan.

In his embrace, she feels safe. Though reality is waiting for her just outside the ship, she feels like she can figure out exactly who she is, and it’s not limited to being a hero or a villain or lightness versus darkness. She feels the chill start to leave her body and she feels hope. Though the pain and the guilt of what’s been done is still there, it’s eased by the fact that the most feared pirate captain believes in her.

She shyly asks for a garment of his to wear to bed, something more comfortable and warm, for the nighttime air aboard the ship is starting to filter into the Captain’s Quarters. Killian goes over to his trunk and pulls out one of his old pirate shirts for her- worn from its many years of use, but soft to the touch. He turns around to give her privacy as she changes, and he can’t help but feel relief that she is still here after hearing his past. She scoots over to get as close to the wall and pats the space next to her, beckoning him back to bed.

She places her head on his bare chest, right above where his heart lies, and listens to the rhythmic beating. She needs this- to know that he’s still here after everything; that he’s fought and clawed his way back. She can hear it in his heart that every word he’s said- about his past, about the darkness, and about his promises to Emma- they all ring true. As he holds her close to him, he runs his fingers through her hair and she feels her eyes start to close and her body relaxes and melds with the bed. In the arms of her Killian, she’s able to sleep through the night- no nightmares to be found.


End file.
